Why We Hate/Like Cristiano Ronaldo

10. When he walks out on the pitch, he makes sure he's one of the last, walking as slow as possible.

Possible excuse: I don't want to stretch himself
Real reason       : I don't want others to block the cameras

9. When he misses a chance, he reacts like he's passing shit after a week of constipation

Possible excuse : I was really hoping it would go in and score for the team
Real reason        : I'm lazy to drop back and defend so I pretend to care about the missed chance while the opposition attacks

8. When a free kick just misses the goal (or a spectacular try), he would look up to the heavens and then wag his finger like it's hot

Possible excuse : My fate is in the hot hands of God
Real reason        : Damn, I'm so hot that God better watch out

7. When he scores, he gives a cheeky wink and shrug of the shoulder

Possible excuse  : It wasn't me, it was the team
Real reason         : It's definitely me, and it was damn easy

6. When he scores, he opens up his arms for others to embrace

Possible excuse  : This is for all of you, my friends
Real reason         : Hail to your savior, talentless twats!

5. When he dribbles, he suddenly falls down after a light touch from the opponent

Possible excuse  : At my speed, any touch would be amplified and cause me to lose balance
Real reason         : The camera will focus on my face

4. When his team mates score, he doesn't join in the celebration

Possible excuse  : I want him to have all the spotlight
Real reason         : He should've f*ck*ing pass to me!

3. When the ball doesn't get to him fast enough, he will go all bonkers and throw his hands in the air in resignation

Possible excuse  : I wish we could work together as a team to score
Real reason         : I want the ball so the camera would focus on me, you ugly Iberians!

2. When he takes a freekick, he places the ball carefully, he takes three big steps backwards (always, he never turns around for the run-up), stand with his legs apart, hands on the side like a gunslinger, puffs out his chest, looks directly at the ball, clenches his jaws and butt, with exaggerated breathing style.

Possible excuse  : I have perfected this technique to deliver maximum power and accuracy to my free-kicks
Real reason         : I am "poyo"

1. After a match he takes off his shirt

Possible excuse  : I want to exchange my jersey with my poor opponents
Real reason         : Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian...who's next?